Sister Sh*t

Garth Brooks: Serial Killer with Guests Neil & Luis (Part 1)

• Caroline Smith and Meredith Walker • Season 2 • Episode 15

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TFW you finally get the guests you've been teasing all season...

This week, we welcome Neil & Luis to the living room. One mic, zero agenda. Buckle up, its a fun one. 


Follow us on socials at @sistershitpodcast ;)

SPEAKER_02:

Is it brothershit tonight?

SPEAKER_04:

Brothers shit. We're not brothers. Hi, welcome to Sister Shit. I'm Meredith. I'm Caroline. And we have got a very special duo here with us tonight.

SPEAKER_05:

We're so excited. If you you guys know them by like second hand, if you got a little text message from someone named Cole from Cutco. Cutco Cole, these are the men who introduced us to Cole.

SPEAKER_02:

I sorry if you are so sorry.

SPEAKER_05:

We've invited them here tonight to give a public apology.

SPEAKER_02:

And we are so sorry that we brought you all into this web of Cutco and Ronnie.

SPEAKER_04:

We too fell for it.

SPEAKER_02:

We did. Like$100 parts on coral.

SPEAKER_05:

Did you also have to watch his competitive interpretive band dancing?

SPEAKER_02:

No, we didn't do that, but um we did learn through several other friends that he, you know, visited that he took a 20-minute shit in one of our friends' houses. So it's like it's cool. I hate to see you after Thanksgiving, buddy.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, and y'all did. Didn't y'all just see him last week? He came to Sharp.

SPEAKER_02:

He messaged us wanting to do a round two. A round two, because they've got great deals for the season. So but after all the negative reviews we heard from our friends, we couldn't do a second round.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean we could not. We were stuck with him for hours. Yeah. Okay. And the 20-minute shit is the 20-minute shit is truly sinful.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. Like it was literally just her watching this full demo and then he excused himself.

SPEAKER_05:

But yes, we wanted to have Neil and Luis on to join us tonight. We're very cozy around this little table in Caroline's room sharing one mic because me and Caroline are technologically inept. Um, wait, sorry.

SPEAKER_04:

Really fast, we need to take a shot. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah, of course. Cheers. Cheers. ASMR.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh. I haven't even taken mine yet. It wasn't. Caroline, if you spat this, spit that in my face, it wouldn't be the first time.

SPEAKER_04:

We have we even maybe we've told that story already. I think we have. This is this is Neil, the one who I spat in his face.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm also the one that she let a random cat into my house, then then it proceeded to take a shit down my leg.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, we've got to rate it in. We've got to rate it in. It's really gonna be like an hour of giggles. Okay, so that shot, if anyone's wondering, was a caramel apple shot. It was delightful after the initial, like burn like shock.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm enjoying it. You're sipping it, weirdo.

SPEAKER_02:

A sipper.

SPEAKER_04:

It's like a melted sucker.

SPEAKER_02:

I think you can really make it into a martini. They already have them. They're at Applebee's. I think that's the alphabet at Applebee's right now. Oh god.

SPEAKER_05:

Should we go? We put this party to Applebee's. Can you imagine?

SPEAKER_04:

I love chains.

SPEAKER_05:

I don't think I'd say that confidently.

SPEAKER_04:

No, we don't love chains. It's ironic. Every time we go, I complain the moment we walk in.

SPEAKER_05:

Till the moment we walk in.

SPEAKER_04:

Till I'm still complaining. And it's been six months.

SPEAKER_05:

Um, okay, so Neil and I met how long ago?

SPEAKER_02:

A million years ago.

SPEAKER_05:

Almost 20 18-ish years ago. Working at Banana Republic. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, we go, yeah. Is that first? That was first.

SPEAKER_05:

We met at Banana in the mall. Neil was top dog at Banana. I was bottom of the food chain. And I didn't last very long because I wouldn't sell credit cards.

SPEAKER_02:

I didn't I never sold credit cards. No.

SPEAKER_05:

That makes me feel better. One time I had to help a woman um get she got stuck in a shirt in the dressing room. They always put me in the dressing room because I wasn't on the sales floor. And so I would just get stuck putting clothes back and helping people. She really did all.

SPEAKER_02:

Meanwhile, I'm at the register with like my little earpiece. Just like Meredith, I'm sending someone back to you.

SPEAKER_05:

Like, great. You're Sharon with a tiny shirt. Okay, so Sharon, I don't know her real name, but she got stuck in a shirt and had to help her out of it. And another time, a woman asked me if I could see her camel toe.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah, I do remember that one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Anyway, but that's how we met, and then we went to art school together.

SPEAKER_02:

We went to college together. We also went to a really cool wedding where um gosh. I don't know if we can say this, but Robin Thick's stepbrother.

SPEAKER_05:

Half brother.

SPEAKER_02:

Half brother was at the wedding.

SPEAKER_04:

No, wait, no, that's better. Half is better than Steph. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

He wasn't married, they weren't marrying each other. They were at the same wedding.

SPEAKER_04:

But I'm like, Step is like even more distant. Yeah. It's like they're the same blood.

SPEAKER_02:

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And that was like right when blurred lines were.

SPEAKER_05:

Right after that. Yeah. That was a fun wedding.

SPEAKER_02:

That was a fun wedding.

SPEAKER_05:

We missed the bus.

SPEAKER_02:

Not by choice. The bus never came to our hotel because we stayed at the poor hotel.

SPEAKER_05:

We saw it leaving on the race. We're not leaving.

SPEAKER_02:

We're like, I think that was.

SPEAKER_04:

Do we run through the bushes or but then y'all didn't like y'all drifted apart. Yes. And then we reconnected at the gala where I spat on your face. Right. What if I would have never spat on your face? And he had to be like that. That was the first time I met.

SPEAKER_02:

Is it spit or spat? Spat. Spat? Did I say spit? No, you said spat, but I'm just now I'm It sounds odd. But that was that was when we met Luis. That is when you got married.

SPEAKER_04:

You guys were newly well. Yeah, like two months married, right?

SPEAKER_02:

We got married in or was it 23. No, that was last year. That was last year. That was March of last year. Yeah, we were just gotten married. Wow, that new wedding smell still stuck on us.

SPEAKER_04:

It was really sweet. We had just missed the wedding. And then we never stopped hanging out. And now here we got it. And here we are.

SPEAKER_02:

I remember Neil tricking people into smiling at the palm. I kind of forgot about that. One, two, three, Nikki Haley.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, wait, Caroline, tell the story. Wait, about the Nikki Haley. Yes. So we're all leaving. It's the end of the night, and like at that point.

SPEAKER_02:

I love an open bar, okay? Like, if I get a ticket and there's an open bar, I'm not just gonna get my money's worth. I'm going to drink more than I possibly should.

SPEAKER_04:

Hey, we had an amazing. We didn't have a chance. It was great.

SPEAKER_02:

It was great. I just remember two moms standing over in the corner being like, when's Neil gonna wrap this show up?

SPEAKER_04:

Yes, that was me and Meredith because it was us. We had a mom. Because we were ready to go dance. We don't have kids.

SPEAKER_02:

We want to go to the Woody.

SPEAKER_05:

The elections had just happened. Like we had already voted. We had already voted. And Neil, there were palm trees lining the entrance to this to the art museum, and he convinced all of the drunk people walking out of the event that there was a camera at the top of one of the trees, and everyone was stopping. He said, Alright, there's a camera you want to look up there? One, two, three, Nikki Haley! And everyone was doing it. Everybody was doing it. And you know, I w I really hope in my heart of hearts that people are like, whatever happened to those pictures, you know?

SPEAKER_02:

Like they log back in trying to see them. What did that guy work for? They're like emailing Nikki Haley being like, Did y'all were y'all campaigning at this Columbia Museum of Art last year?

SPEAKER_05:

It was like the a month after the like everything.

SPEAKER_02:

There was this cute little gay boy out there in all hot pink.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh gosh. Oh my gosh. But then truly, we never stopped hanging out. It really is. And then it was crazy because we found out that like I was neighbors with their bestie. Yeah. Yeah. And so then we all just sort of merged into one.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, Colombia is like one degree of separation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Like the guy that owns the camel.

SPEAKER_02:

What? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

The the famous guy in Columbia that owns the camel. R.I.P. The camel, the guy. The camel. Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

The camel passed away. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

I think I we know someone that got proposed to with that camel. Has to be the same person. There's not more than that. How many camels are in Columbia? That camel's seen some stuff, I think.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. He was like he was like 29 years old. Yeah, rode the camel.

SPEAKER_05:

The camel was 29? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I rode the camel, too. Damn.

SPEAKER_05:

That's probably the same camel I saw my ex-boyfriend's parents riding at the fair. We talked about that on the camera.

SPEAKER_02:

No, that's a different camel. Yeah. They're more nomadic. Okay. Of the camel. Of the camel class.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, well, we decided to have them on. We're gonna go down Sony buttons now.

SPEAKER_05:

Y'all buckle up. But you might want to save this for the evening when you can have a glass of wine or a shot. Because it's gonna be a bumpy ride. A good one. I mean a good bumpy ride.

SPEAKER_04:

Like an ATV on a beach kind of bumpy.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, you're not in the backseat of a man.

SPEAKER_02:

Turn it into a drinking game. Every time we giggle, you take a sip. Perfect. There you go. Black out wrong by the end of it.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, so we and we were like, Neil, you have to come on the podcast, Luis, you have to come on the podcast because they are recent listeners.

SPEAKER_02:

Right, we season two. We picked up season two. Um and this past week we were traveling for Thanksgiving and we decided to start listening to season one, which um some great topics. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

They loved the glasses episode where the guy was sharing glasses with his mom.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm literally driving down the interstate trying not to wreck, dying laughing. But we've all been there. We've all been there. We all have a bad date. I dated a guy for a few minutes.

SPEAKER_04:

We've all been there sharing glasses. No, I was like, No, my mom had lacing.

SPEAKER_05:

Wait, do you have a do you have a bad date? You have a boyfriend for a minute story for us? Were you about to do that? Oh, I thought you were about to start sharing.

SPEAKER_02:

That would probably be mine, yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Um He dated Cocky.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, we're just gonna out the mascot. Well, I guess he is already out and I slept with him.

SPEAKER_05:

I didn't say slept with, I just said dated. Oh, well, I didn't. I don't think it was date. Oh.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And then he moved to Florida, and then somehow I ended up picking up with another cocky. No, no, no. Yeah. It was after two, I decided I can't make this a thing. Right, right. But everybody's a pattern.

SPEAKER_05:

Freeza pattern.

SPEAKER_02:

Freeza pattern, that's right. And said I wasn't gonna be one of those.

SPEAKER_05:

And Mares for the question was Did they wear the feet?

SPEAKER_02:

No, they did not.

SPEAKER_05:

Did you wish they did?

SPEAKER_02:

No. Oh my god, if you ever got close to that outfit, it smelled like hell. No, no part of that was ever worn.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, I'm so glad. Jesus. Okay, well, okay, okay. Well, we decided to have them on because we're still trying to get through that. That's like whenever we tried to record one with Ben and Hannah. Oh yeah. That was so bad. Anyway, that never aired. But um, but they Neil has been creating a list in his phone of topics that he wants to chat through with us, and we're like, let's do it on the podcast. And it started it started with a can we were talking about the after the conspiracy episode, you were like, Yeah, that's kind of what that started. And we were like, don't say it.

SPEAKER_02:

Don't say it. So should we start with that?

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Um, yeah. So basically, over like the past month, I've just any random thought that I've had, I'm like, I'm gonna put this in a note so we can discuss on a podcast on a few future podcasts. I've never been on a podcast. I have a lot to say.

SPEAKER_05:

Ugh, I'm so glad you're hearing it.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, so my conspiracy theory that I have recently kind of fallen in love with. Okay. Is that Garth Brooks is a serial killer. Whoa, what was that? Oh my gosh!

SPEAKER_05:

What's it?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my gosh!

SPEAKER_05:

The timing of that was so fell.

SPEAKER_02:

And the thunder rolls.

SPEAKER_05:

Wait, okay, tell me everything. I recorded I never.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, so it started in like 2018 on some podcast or whatever where they were just saying that he has like a serial killer smile. Um, but it's like snowballed from that to where people have like lined up his tour dates in different cities with missing people.

SPEAKER_05:

Shut up. But like, couldn't you do that with any musician? No.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, you could, but I mean, think about the 90s.

SPEAKER_05:

But if you're looking for something like that. Back before DNA evidence. I'm a sucker. I'm like true.

SPEAKER_02:

He could be, and he owns like 300 acres somewhere where it's like, mmm, body dumper.

SPEAKER_05:

Our sister Emily loves Garth.

SPEAKER_02:

I love Garth Brooks, too.

SPEAKER_05:

The thunder. What is he doing now though? Is he hiding?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, I think he's in hiding right now.

SPEAKER_05:

Is he active on doing anything?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, he was just accused of sexual assault.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh. He was.

SPEAKER_02:

How many times is his name in the Epstein files? Oh, I'm not sure. Oh no, I don't think it's like that. I don't think he's because you know he's he's married to Trisha Yearwood, right? No, oh yeah. Yeah. And so it was her makeup artist is accusing him of sexual assault. Um I didn't know that. But people are putting this together saying that maybe like his serial killer personality is Chris Gaines. Because in 1999, Garth Brooks came out with uh an album underneath the name Chris Gaines. Yeah, it was a rock alter ego project.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. We need to listen to the whole album. I like we there's a gotta be straight.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. There has to be something.

SPEAKER_04:

I'm sure there's a Reddit, sub like a subreddit on this.

SPEAKER_02:

I think that's a job for Miss Caroline to look into.

SPEAKER_04:

Sure will. On it.

SPEAKER_02:

On it.

SPEAKER_04:

I'll be up late at night looking up Chris Gaines.

SPEAKER_02:

Let me know if if he really did murder somebody. But yeah, people like it.

SPEAKER_05:

I hate that, but it is a great conspiracy.

SPEAKER_04:

That's a great conspiracy. I've never heard that I haven't heard that. And I love Garth Brooks.

SPEAKER_02:

When I started hearing it, I was just like, it was all on TikTok.

SPEAKER_05:

And once I started hearing it, as a child, I feel like his music was the first music I listened to that made me like feel something.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. You know?

SPEAKER_05:

What was the that music video with the Okay. The music video with the tower on fire.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh. What was that? Oh, Jesus.

SPEAKER_05:

And the red piano. Wait, these are all feeling very murdery now.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, the red piano when he's in all white.

SPEAKER_05:

And the bleeding.

SPEAKER_02:

Bleeding. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

But what was the tower song? That one I remember being like. Was that the dance?

SPEAKER_02:

Sad have to miss the dance.

SPEAKER_05:

No, no, no. It's like really like powerful.

SPEAKER_04:

Um, it's like the one about like the dance. Not the dance. The um playing with something.

SPEAKER_05:

Um, our cousins are gonna wanting to murder us right now. Yeah, we can't remember this. Umside the fire.

SPEAKER_04:

Playing outside the fire.

SPEAKER_05:

Not playing outside the fire.

SPEAKER_04:

Dancing outside the fire. Dancing outside the fire. You know that one?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, anyway.

SPEAKER_02:

Maybe we should go down like uh uh Garthbrook's like music video rabbit hole.

SPEAKER_04:

Standing outside the fire standing outside the fire.

SPEAKER_05:

The bodies he burned.

SPEAKER_04:

Standing outside of the fire.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my gosh, he just burnt everybody.

SPEAKER_04:

On his 300 acres of land.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. And he purchased the land early on in his career.

SPEAKER_05:

That's a normal one.

SPEAKER_02:

How long has he been doing that? I don't know. But are these people just like he's trying to sacrifice himself?

SPEAKER_05:

Okay. Drink, okay, drink. I love that. Okay, that's great. Okay. What else do you have to do?

SPEAKER_02:

So then, you know, it's we're getting in the spirit. Wow. More ASMR. ASMR. That that was a big glug. Um we're getting in the spirit of Christmas, and I just love Kelly Clarkson Christmas albums, right?

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

So that just got me thinking.

SPEAKER_05:

Wrapped in red?

SPEAKER_02:

All of them.

SPEAKER_05:

There's more than one.

SPEAKER_02:

She has two. The second one's a little more sappier because it was after her divorce. But the original was the best. I mean Shania Twain's coming coming back album was sad too after her divorce.

SPEAKER_04:

Everyone's got a sad post-divorce moment.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, man, I feel like a woman. She could have led with that. Like, just recut it, baby. You should feel like a woman after you divorce that piece of trash that slept with your best friend.

SPEAKER_04:

Whose boots has your or what is it?

SPEAKER_02:

Mutt Lang. Mutt Lang's boots have been under her best friends, anyways. We're going off. Okay. So it got me thinking about Kelly Clarkson and how and how Kelly Clarkson really is just an American icon, right?

SPEAKER_04:

She is. She is.

SPEAKER_02:

One might say she's an American idol, even, if you will. I love myself for being prepared and having talking points, but also I hate myself for being such a dork. No, I love that.

SPEAKER_05:

We need it.

SPEAKER_02:

Um I brought notes. Okay, so, anyways, so this is all all I'll to get to is one, I feel like that that maybe that was the last time America like voted unanimously, like in the in the best way.

SPEAKER_05:

Kelly.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, just any election. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

For any any reason.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, like that's where America got off the ramp.

SPEAKER_05:

You're referring to American Idol? Yes. Okay, yes.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I agree. Yeah, yeah. I just was because everyone was for Kelly.

SPEAKER_02:

Everybody was for Kelly.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean, we loved Ruben too.

SPEAKER_02:

But he didn't have star power. No. No, he didn't.

SPEAKER_05:

Kelly loves Ruben, does he? I mean, we all did, but he didn't have the star power.

SPEAKER_02:

He didn't have the star power.

SPEAKER_05:

Kelly is a superstar.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. That's why she has Kelly Oki on her show. And the Kelly Right, the Kelly Clarkson show. And she can cover any song and it's better than the original.

SPEAKER_04:

My friend Krista always says that. She's like a big Kelly gal. Big big big Kelly gal. And she always says Kelly can sing any song better than the original song. Right.

SPEAKER_02:

I really wish she did like what do they call them? The pop 40 or whatever, but it's just Kelly's songs. Right. Kelly remakes. Can we make that like a playlist on Spotify or something?

SPEAKER_05:

Does she record her covers?

SPEAKER_02:

No. She only does it for her show.

SPEAKER_05:

I would listen to her covers.

SPEAKER_02:

Because she probably has to get the rights and blah blah blah. And yada yada yada.

SPEAKER_05:

She's got the money.

SPEAKER_02:

I think Killers.

SPEAKER_05:

So is that what you'd spend it on?

SPEAKER_04:

I don't know. People do covers all the time. MGK just did a dumbass cover of some other song.

SPEAKER_02:

I mean JoJo Siwa. Betty Davis!

SPEAKER_04:

Betty Davis A. Anyways, the Inks to Desp.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my gosh. All that to say is I believe Kelly Clarkson to be America's sister.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes. I agree.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_05:

I don't know why I was I was primed for another conspiracy, but yes, I agree. That's why I kept looking at you like, where are we going with this? Where are we going with this? She's a serial killer too. But no, I agree. She is she is our star. Right. She's a beaking shining light. We love her.

SPEAKER_02:

Sorry. Edit that cough out. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04:

Not editing the cough out.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Whatever. There's probably gonna be a few more because when I giggle, I cough, baby. Okay, so if she's America's sister, this is this is what got me onto this. I've thought long and hard about this. I've created a list, right? Oh, of random celebrities, and I think we should place them as who we would want them as our family members. I think that that would be so funny.

SPEAKER_04:

Let's do it. Okay, okay. Okay. This is like F. Mary Kill Skin Soup, but create your own whole thing.

SPEAKER_02:

And you know, right, it's very holiday. It's very Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_04:

Or sit around the table with for the holidays.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. Okay, so what we could do is I'll just list these random names. There's not many. Okay, maybe there is a few, but and we're a full- it's a full table. It's a full table.

SPEAKER_05:

How many place settings?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know. I just kept writing them out.

SPEAKER_05:

We don't need to get on that.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, there's chargers and we're on paper plates. No, God, no. This is a family event. Julia Roberts is number one. You think that bitch is eaten off of a paper plate, Caroline?

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, how about you read them all to us?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05:

So we have time to like process. Okay. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Julia Roberts.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Meryl Street. Tom Hanks. Barack Obama.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Pete Butch.

SPEAKER_05:

Little P.

SPEAKER_02:

Little P.

SPEAKER_05:

I forgot about her hand.

SPEAKER_02:

Aww. Um, Martha Stewart. Okay. Taylor Swift. Oh.

SPEAKER_05:

Sorry. We said we were.

SPEAKER_02:

Um Amanda Bynes. Oh.

SPEAKER_04:

I thought you were gonna say Amanda um, and I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_05:

This is a great table.

SPEAKER_04:

I I missed who's who was after Meryl Street?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh Tom Tom Hanks? Okay. Okay. Um, Amanda Bynes, Morgan Freewent, Heeman, Ann Hathaway, Maya Rudolph.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh.

SPEAKER_02:

Anna Kendrick.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh no, I don't know if I'm not. Is it? She just seems cool-ish.

SPEAKER_02:

See, I feel like she married into the family. Yeah. She's not one of us, but she married in.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, Paula Dean. No? No.

SPEAKER_05:

This is a big ass table. Okay, well. Sabrina Carpenter. Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Bad Bunny. Okay. Kiki Palmer.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

I did put Jojo Siwa on here. Oh.

SPEAKER_05:

She's like the cousin that everyone's like, good. I wouldn't hate meeting her, to be honest.

SPEAKER_02:

Zendaya.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, she's sitting next to me.

SPEAKER_02:

And last but not least, Mariska Hargate. Who's that? Olivia Benson and Lauren Order SVU.

SPEAKER_05:

I never watched it.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, see, I feel like if I had to choose America's mom, I would choose her. Oh, okay. She's such a badass. I know, I know. I guess you could also read them.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah, y'all could read them.

SPEAKER_05:

I definitely want. I feel like Julia Roberts is like the cool aunt. Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_04:

Meryl Streep. Meryl Streep is the matriarch. Of course. Of course.

SPEAKER_02:

Of course. I feel like Tom Hanks is like dad.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, it's like Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks are like Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad.

SPEAKER_02:

Mmm. Okay, okay. I like that. I like that.

SPEAKER_05:

Or Barack might be dad.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, wait, I forgot about Barack.

SPEAKER_05:

I want Barack to be my dad.

SPEAKER_02:

Is he dad or is he daddy?

SPEAKER_05:

He's dad, Tommy.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean he's daddy for some people, but Tom is Tom is Tom is the cool uncle with a like nice career. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_04:

Um Pete is the gay uncle.

SPEAKER_05:

Gunkle. Gunkle uncle.

SPEAKER_02:

Uncle Pete. Gunkle Pete. Yeah. Or I was gonna say like older brother. Yeah. Like older brother.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Sorry, I can't live up to my older brother, a Pete Buttigieg.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

God.

SPEAKER_04:

Wait, but like Martha Stewart, I feel like she's definitely like someone in the family that's gonna be. She's married in too. She's miserable.

SPEAKER_05:

She's married to Tom Hanks and she hates coming to family games.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes, yes, yes, yes. But she brings the best dish. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, now that we're talking about this, I kind of want to be their kid.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, so you're the cousin and the sister. You're the cousin that's right.

SPEAKER_02:

Martha and Tom are my parents. Okay. And you hung them away. And we're a little stuck up.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay. Okay. Okay. And y'all are bringing the best dishes, and y'all are like talking shit the whole way there and the whole way home.

SPEAKER_05:

Taylor, Swift, and Amanda Binds are sisters.

SPEAKER_02:

Who? Taylor Swift and Amanda Binds.

SPEAKER_05:

Definitely sisters. Amanda Bynes is the youngest and Taylor's the middle.

SPEAKER_02:

Middle? Oldest something? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Maybe. Yeah. Anne Hathaway's the oldest. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Anne Hathaway is the oldest. Oh my god. That is perfect.

SPEAKER_04:

Are you saying the baby of the family typically goes off?

SPEAKER_05:

She I just I love her.

SPEAKER_02:

Amanda Bynes, she has a face tat. I do kind of love her. Not last time I saw her on TikTok, and she's still trying to get her license to be a manor curist.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, she's I always assume those are old footage. Yeah, the new again.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

But like, love her. I, for who she is at her core, she's the cool younger.

SPEAKER_04:

And she brings, and no, even who she is now, she brings an energy to the dinner that's needed. Yes. Everyone's gotta have the one that's like staying off the wall.

SPEAKER_02:

She's a little quirky, but she's my favorite. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Like I can be myself around her, and we smoke weed in the bathroom. Yes, yes, yes. Love that. Right.

SPEAKER_02:

Kiki Palmer is also going on that cousin walk with us.

SPEAKER_04:

Is Kiki Palmer on this list? Yeah, Kiki Palmer. Sabrina Carpenter is the cousin that everyone's jealous of.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04:

A lot of cousins. Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Um Bad Bunny. Where are we?

SPEAKER_04:

Um I feel like Bad Bunny is the cousin that you're like, he's hot, and I don't know what to do because I think my cousins have.

SPEAKER_02:

That's why I think that he married into the family, so that way you're safe to think that way.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_05:

What about Maya Rudolph? I don't know where she fits into this. Is she dead?

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_05:

Maya Rudolph? I thought she was dead.

SPEAKER_04:

How old is she? Mayor.

SPEAKER_02:

She was literally on SNL like 10 years ago.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, 10 years ago. Yeah, not gonna happen. Maya's Rudolph isn't that's like Kristen Wiggs' bestie. Oh my god, y'all. I was thinking Maya Angelou!

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, but while we're on that, where would Maya Angelou fit on the table?

SPEAKER_05:

She deserves a seat at the table. I was like, I think she's the guest speaker. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02:

She's the one that says Grays, but just goes on and on and on and on.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes. Y'all, I'm dying. She actually just reads like. Maya Rudolph. I want Maya Rudolph to be my mom. Okay, you're you're my mom. She'd my mom and Kiki Palmer, my sister. Yes.

SPEAKER_02:

That would be great.

SPEAKER_05:

Enzendaya? Enzendaya.

SPEAKER_02:

Enzendaya.

SPEAKER_05:

Where does Anna Kendrick fit in? That family's too cool. I don't think I would.

SPEAKER_02:

Again, I think she married in.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, you're right. Who?

SPEAKER_02:

Anna Kendrick.

SPEAKER_04:

Where does Jojo Siwa fit in? She's the cousin that showed. She's someone's girlfriend.

SPEAKER_02:

She's the pizza delivery girl. She's not actually family.

SPEAKER_05:

I feel like she's someone's girlfriend that we're like, oh, she's not gonna last very long. Yes. And they both bully her a little bit.

SPEAKER_04:

She lies.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, she totally lies.

SPEAKER_04:

Everyone's like, she's a liar.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02:

Me and my mom Martha are like, she totally didn't make that pie. And she told us that she did.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh my gosh. This was so fun.

SPEAKER_02:

We would read her for filth. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I loved her. That was such a fun activity. My boyfriend that I'm bringing to the dinner.

SPEAKER_02:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04:

Because I, for the family dinner, is I guess Harry Styles. Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

It's not gonna be a Jonas brother?

SPEAKER_04:

Harry's always my number one. And he is gonna be in a great outfit, and he's going to humbly perform. No.

SPEAKER_02:

Humbly perform. No. Humbly perform.

SPEAKER_05:

We're not having a lot of time.

SPEAKER_02:

Caroline. No.

SPEAKER_05:

No.

SPEAKER_02:

I love Harry's soft, but I don't know. Thank you for coming to our Thanksgiving. Everybody pull out your golden buzzer. I hate golden buzzer videos, by the way. America's got talent. It's always some 12-year-old girl coming out with some fucking ukulele that's like, Oh.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes, she our dad this weekend, we can say this because he doesn't listen.

SPEAKER_04:

He told us he doesn't listen to it.

SPEAKER_05:

Thanksgiving in front of company. We said, Dad, do you listen to the podcast? Because no, our company asked, Do you listen to the girls' podcast? And he said, No, it's nasty. And I said, Nasty. Nasty. And he said, Yeah, y'all cuss on it. And I was like, girls can't. Nasty?

SPEAKER_02:

Girls can, but boys can. Fuck shit, pussy piss. I don't know. Wow, honey. Welcome back. You've been in the bathroom for so long. I thought you were selling me knives. Were you in the bathroom or have you been at Applebee's getting more Apple teeny? They got progressively less insulting.

SPEAKER_04:

Didn't cursed growing up.

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_04:

I figured so.

SPEAKER_02:

No. No, why wouldn't you?

SPEAKER_04:

How old were you when you started cursing?

SPEAKER_02:

Probably when he met me.

unknown:

Hmm.

SPEAKER_05:

It's about the time I met Neil.

SPEAKER_04:

I remember you guys riding my bike as a kid. I thought, okay, yes.

SPEAKER_02:

And being like I was like, I didn't know you as a child. No, I was like, wow.

SPEAKER_04:

What's happening? I was like riding my bike as a kid and around my neighborhood, and I was like out loud, saying, okay, I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna say it. And then I said, oh my god.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh. Did the thunder struck strike you down?

SPEAKER_04:

It didn't, and I think that's when I was like, oh. Shit. No.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh man. But yeah, I remember like really.

SPEAKER_02:

Did you wake up the next day and say, wow, you take a big stretch and you go, wow, it's really great to be fucking alive.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. That's when it started. Yeah. How old are you? I was like in the third grade.

SPEAKER_02:

She's like, those multiplication tables ain't got shit on me. Long division. Fuck her.

SPEAKER_04:

No, literally though, also beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It's hard, money. Sorry, mommy. Mommy's not listening to this season. She's not? No. Gosh. Our family is a good idea.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, if she is listening, she's gonna stop after this episode.

SPEAKER_04:

No, but our sister Emily did send us her Spotify rap today, and she was a top listener. So thanks, Kim.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, you're in my top three of podcasts, yeah. Yeah. Right after the daily and MPR update or whatever. I love the daily. What's the NPR when I'm gonna do that? Up first. It's 15 minutes, yeah. Yeah. And then number three is uh sister shit. Or as Louise likes to call it, brother shit.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Brothers.

SPEAKER_01:

Brothers. Brother Wives. Brother Wives. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, what's next on here? What else do you have for us?

SPEAKER_02:

So I don't know how I was watching regular TV the other day. Oh, it was on um.

SPEAKER_04:

What's opposite of regular TV? Like streaming. Not streaming. Nah, I wasn't streaming. I didn't even consider that as a comment.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh no, it was a commercial. It was a commercial for. Anyways, it was a medicinal commercial. Who comes up with these. Yes! Who comes up with Sky Rizzy? It's like, yeah, Sky Rizzy!

SPEAKER_04:

And I'm like, nothing is or what is it? Nothing is everything.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm like, what is going on here? And it's for like eczema.

SPEAKER_05:

Eczema.

SPEAKER_02:

And I'm just like, why is this?

SPEAKER_05:

The names are unhinged.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, why? And then it's like side effects, every commercial. Side effects are. And then it's like 45 seconds of just listing everything.

SPEAKER_02:

Listing everything out. You're gonna lose your hair. You're gonna have anal fissures. Like, I mean, it's like one thing after another.

SPEAKER_05:

But it's like, don't take Sky Rizzy if you're allergic to Sky Rizzy.

SPEAKER_02:

It's like Okay, I guess. It's like, girl, I've never taken Sky Rizzy before. But I have had a 4 Loco, and so I think we should just rebrand 4 Loco at Sky Rizzy because that's where everybody goes. It's an upper.

unknown:

What?

SPEAKER_02:

Sky Rizzy. 4 Loco. Fuck eczema. No, not fuck eczema. I'm sorry to the listeners. If anybody has eczema, I feel your pain. There goes our sponsorship. There goes your sponsorship for Sky Rizzy.

SPEAKER_04:

Let's talk about who is seeing these commercials and then being like, ugh, let me call my doctor. I know.

SPEAKER_02:

Girl, you got some Sky Rizzy.

SPEAKER_05:

I do think that every time I see a minusal ad. I want to know the think tank. I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_02:

There's a boardroom. Commercials are banned in Europe.

SPEAKER_04:

We're literally the only country that is allowed to advertise medicine or medicine brands at all.

SPEAKER_02:

Which is like So somewhere in the United States there is a boardroom of a bunch of suits.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And they're like, what are we gonna call this?

SPEAKER_04:

And nothing.

SPEAKER_02:

You're the intern. You're up with the lingo. What would you call this drug? Man, motherfucking Sky Rizzy.

SPEAKER_04:

Like the kids will love it.

SPEAKER_02:

The kids will love it.

SPEAKER_05:

All those itchy kids.

SPEAKER_02:

Itchy kids.

SPEAKER_05:

Those itchy kids are gonna love this. What the hell?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't get that. And it they're all it kind of stresses me.

SPEAKER_05:

They probably come up with the names when they're all coked up and then they get in the board meeting the next day, and they're like, I came up with so many good names last week.

SPEAKER_04:

I love that assumption.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, that's what happens for sure. Sky Rizzy! They like 1000% just have a list of potential names.

SPEAKER_04:

Anytime that something comes to them in their car while they're driving, they're like, ooh, I'm gonna add that to my um podcast.

SPEAKER_02:

Are you a marketing bro? Maybe I maybe I am. Maybe I am. Clause it at marketing bro. Maybe.

SPEAKER_04:

I mean hey, start coming up with medicine names. I want to hear a little bit.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't want to do that. Well, I mean, it could be pretty lucrative. Off the top of your head, give us one. Oh, um, one for diarrhea.

SPEAKER_03:

Juby. Wait, Mayor, Mayor did that. Did we all hear that when we did our fake ad, our fake sponsor?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, I don't think we've gotten to that one yet. This season, yes.

SPEAKER_04:

It's like sparkles.

SPEAKER_05:

It was tummy sparkles.

SPEAKER_04:

Tummy sparkles. Tummy sparkles.

SPEAKER_05:

It's literally just a capsule of real glitter that makes you not be able to poop.

SPEAKER_04:

No, when you do poop, it's glittery.

SPEAKER_05:

No, it was poop. It was so much glitter that it stopped you up and pooping. It kept you from pooping, I think. Juby. Juby. Jubi Jubi. Jubi for diarrhea. Cole. We use his name so shamelessly.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, sorry, we paused for a second and now we're talking about Cole. We shouldn't use his name. The thing is, like, Cole, if this ever comes back to you, take notes.

SPEAKER_02:

We've been using a fake name the entire time. We should all text him this episode.

SPEAKER_05:

We didn't want to bully him. I know, I know. It's bordering bullying.

SPEAKER_04:

But like also, he did some things that are not forgivable. Like holding us hostage on a Friday night without eating dinner for three hours.

unknown:

And our kids were coming around.

SPEAKER_02:

He brought us pastries.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02:

He got us. He knew we were gonna give a name.

SPEAKER_04:

He was going to bring us pastries at 5 p.m., which I'm like, I don't want a croissant. It's 5 p.m.

SPEAKER_02:

He brought us those little strawberry-filled things from Publix with the Urugula.

SPEAKER_05:

Not arugula, rugula. Ace arugula. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

What? That's what they're called?

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah, arugulas.

SPEAKER_02:

You talked about like the little pastry raspberry. Yeah, and the little sugar on top. Girl, sometimes I can go. Arugula.

SPEAKER_05:

No, like arugula. It's just called. Yeah. But like if you're having one, you say, can I have arugula?

SPEAKER_02:

Suddenly I have diarrhea now.

SPEAKER_05:

I need some shooby. No, no, no. No, no.

SPEAKER_02:

I love those things. Sometimes I like whip into publics.

SPEAKER_05:

Just to get them.

SPEAKER_02:

Just to get those. And oh man, I smoke. I mean eat them like so quick.

SPEAKER_05:

We had I worked at a coffee shop in high school, and I had a friend that worked across the street at this like Orvis store, and he would come in and order get like one rugula. We would like trade shit. I don't know what he was trading me from the Orvis store. Fishing, but he loved them.

SPEAKER_02:

Lures. They're good.

SPEAKER_04:

They're so good.

SPEAKER_02:

They really are.

SPEAKER_04:

So Cole brought you those. Okay, you want to hear he was gonna bring us pastries, and then he texted me when he was supposed to already be at my house, and he said, Hey, I'm running late. Do you still want me to stop and get the pastries?

SPEAKER_05:

He's young. I see. I think he just like you know, he's young.

SPEAKER_02:

He's trying to get his scholarship program.

SPEAKER_04:

Again. So I'm like, was it? How do I do that?

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, if you had the choice, if you had the choice of being in a scholarship program, would you do a pageant? Because they're all scholarship programs, or would you sell knives?

SPEAKER_04:

Oh shit, this is a hard one. I do a page. But I would probably do like something like did you recently see the girl who did Screamo for her talent?

SPEAKER_02:

I did see that.

SPEAKER_04:

I wouldn't do Screamo, obviously, but I feel like my talent would be like very non-congeniality. Like juggling? No, she does the Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I don't know what my talent would be.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I don't know what my talent would be. I would definitely choose a pageant because I would want to win a crown.

SPEAKER_04:

Well, okay, wait, can we talk about why? And it's more fun. Wait, I want to talk about why you like a sister.

SPEAKER_02:

And there's a sisterhood.

SPEAKER_04:

Is there I want to talk about why you did um what do you call it in high school? ROTC. ROTC. Because A, it's a brotherhood, and B, you wanted the badge. Is it a brotherhood? You wanted the badges.

SPEAKER_02:

It was no, it wasn't, it wasn't the badges. It wasn't the badges. I joined ROTC because I was like, ooh, I can do this for a year or not take gym class. And I was like, I don't want to take gym class, so I'm gonna do ROTC. Yeah, and then that's the story.

SPEAKER_05:

And then you found out there were hats.

SPEAKER_02:

No, and then as you moved up, you got different hats. You got a white hat and you got like a double-breasted, like little blade, because we were navy. So we had like cool little uniforms. And then once I got the white hat, it when you got to be an officer, you got to have a white hat with like a gold band, and I was like, I want the fucking gold band. So I did it all four years. I was on drill team and went to drill meets and like did the whole thing.

SPEAKER_05:

We were supposed to Did you consider doing it in college?

SPEAKER_02:

No.

SPEAKER_05:

He he got the gold band instead of it. Right. I was kinda like Do you still have the hat?

SPEAKER_02:

I do. I was supposed to turn it all in, but I kept it. No. Twirl it and No, we have no guns in the house.

SPEAKER_05:

No, but they're fake.

SPEAKER_04:

The ROTC goes on.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, the ROTC ones, yeah. No, they weren't wooden. They were like fiberglass. Yeah, like.

SPEAKER_04:

Because you gotta be able to twirl them. They could be lightweight. Right.

SPEAKER_02:

Those were for yeah, there were different types of drill. Some of them were like actually the same weight as like a real gun.

SPEAKER_04:

This feels dangerous.

SPEAKER_02:

Right. And when you're a freshman and you have that on your shoulder, you're like, cute little twink like me. I could barely lift a gun. Oh, little olmay.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02:

This gun weighs more than I do. Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_05:

Skinny as a needle.

SPEAKER_02:

And we had PT, uh physical training twice a week, which was brutal.

SPEAKER_05:

How was that different than gym?

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know. More than gym. It was more than gym. Yeah, because we had PT once a week, and then I also had to wear a uniform to school once a week.

SPEAKER_05:

That was probably like way more physical activity than they did in actual. He probably looked so good in your I kind of loved it.

SPEAKER_04:

Can you send pics so that we can post it on Insta?

SPEAKER_02:

Maybe.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes. I want to see the gold hat.

SPEAKER_02:

The gold hat the white hat with the Yeah, I don't uh Okay, okay, okay. We'll we'll circle back.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02:

For the fans.

SPEAKER_04:

For the fans. Do it for the fans.

SPEAKER_02:

For the listeners.

SPEAKER_04:

What's next on your list?

SPEAKER_02:

Jay's having a great time upstairs.

SPEAKER_04:

He's I don't know what he's doing out there.

unknown:

It's hard.

SPEAKER_02:

Mmm. Okay, so sequels of movies that are just as good as the first.

SPEAKER_05:

Oh, okay. Do you have a list? Or you're asking.

SPEAKER_02:

I want it. I want y'all's opinion. I know it's off the cuff, but. What about okay, what about this one? Sister Act? I haven't seen it. I've seen Sister Act. Have you caught up with the Golden Girls yet?

unknown:

No.

SPEAKER_04:

Can we watch? Can we have a night where we drink and watch it? I've seen Sister Act. Can we put it on during our Spatchcock day that we finally have?

SPEAKER_02:

We should. Yes.

SPEAKER_04:

Did y'all cross stitch?

SPEAKER_02:

No. No.

SPEAKER_04:

But y'all hassle backed and cross and and spatcocks.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. But we did.

SPEAKER_04:

Sorry, we so it wasn't complete. What's that? Okay, let's talk about this. Mare and I were hanging out with Neil and Louise, and we came they made us a Thanksgiving dinner. It was amazing. Not on Thanksgiving. It wasn't a Thanksgiving, but it was like a full ass meal. It was like a Thanksgiving night.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it was just like a dinner.

SPEAKER_04:

It was a beautiful dinner. I was a Saturday night.

SPEAKER_02:

It was a Saturday night.

SPEAKER_04:

I felt very loved, and the squash was hassle backed, and it was beautiful. And I said, I want to learn how to spatchcock a chicken. And we said, let's have a hassleback spatchcock. And then we said, and let's cross stitch.

SPEAKER_02:

Cross-stitch, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

So then what do you know? Next thing you know, we hear Neil and Luis had a hassleback spatchcock night with our other friends.

SPEAKER_02:

Y'all were out of town. Y'all are out of town. We invited y'all, but y'all were out.

SPEAKER_04:

We invited y'all with beautiful and y'all ghosted us.

SPEAKER_02:

We did make we did make three chickens and they were really good. It was it was we were testing for ours.

SPEAKER_04:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

We were doing market research.

SPEAKER_04:

So when we do it, we're gonna meet all three and we will watch Golden Girls.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh. Yes. Okay. That feels nice. Right? I like that. Okay. I like that.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay. But yes, Sister Act, I've seen that. I haven't seen Sister Act 2. I've seen it. Back in the Habit.

SPEAKER_02:

What?

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. But Sister Act's on Netflix right now. Yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_02:

The other day I watched it and I was just like, I haven't seen it since I was a kid. Sister Sister Back in the Habit is just as good as the first one, if not better. Okay. It's so good. I know there's a Oh, what's her name is in it? Um Oh my gosh. I always forget her name, and everybody is gonna be like, Why are you forgetting her name right now?

SPEAKER_05:

Honestly, Hot Take Lion King one and Lion King One and a half, Dick Otunnel. Wait, no, not one and a half. I haven't seen that. Lion King 2. Lion King 2. Loved that.

SPEAKER_02:

Lauren Hill is in Lauren Hill. Sister Act 2. That's right.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05:

I don't think Kavu's better than Simba, but I think I thoroughly enjoyed the Kavanagh.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, Home Alone. Or Home Alone Lost in New York.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, so this is.

SPEAKER_02:

You know they were filmed in the same year. They were?

SPEAKER_05:

Yes. Okay, actually, I actually have an opinion on this. I also, as a child, sorry, do you want to go first? No, go ahead. As a child, I loved the second one. I thought I've for my most of my life I thought the second one was better. And then I watched them both as adults and realized I only like the second one because he goes to the toy store. Yeah, and the toy store is so magical, and the hotel's so magical. Right. In New York is so magical. But what about the bird ladies? I thought the bird lady. The traps are better in the first movie. Yeah, they kind of are. In the second movie, I get bored in the they like he's setting traps in this weird ass old apartment building, and I they lose. It's his aunt and auntie. It's not his house.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, but can we and the bird lady's random? You love the bird lady.

SPEAKER_02:

I do love the bird lady. I think she's so cute, and they go to freaking Carnegie Hall.

SPEAKER_05:

And that's the two turtle doves. Yeah, the man. Does she give him the turtle doves? The man does.

SPEAKER_02:

The Toy Store Man.

SPEAKER_05:

And then he shares them with her. Right.

SPEAKER_02:

As long as we each have a turtle dove, we'll be friends forever. Yeah. Which is so fitting. Because she's a bird lady.

SPEAKER_04:

I drunkenly at my friend's night before her wedding, or like two nights before her wedding, was sharing a king-size bed with one of my besties and her bestie and me. And it was like one of the most giggly nights of my life. It was like a dream come true as an adult because you just don't get it. Did you spit on anyone? No spitting. But like so much laughing that like all you could hear was like us sounding like we couldn't breathe. Like, whizzing, like your cheeks are hurting. Yes. It was brilliant. And one of the things that we're there.

SPEAKER_05:

I just love those kinds of nights.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes. And it I like want that that needs to probably happen to me like every six months. I think it would make me be A happier and B live longer.

SPEAKER_02:

But one of the things It increases blood flow. I know. Right.

SPEAKER_04:

I like love to laugh my ass off.

SPEAKER_02:

I do too.

SPEAKER_04:

It's one of the best things.

SPEAKER_05:

We really is. And I love being around her. Do I want her to have my personal phone number? No, I do not. But I love to laugh. But I love to see her every two years.

SPEAKER_02:

Every two years. One of the things I'm feeling a little down. I hope I run into her too. I hope I run into her soon.

SPEAKER_04:

Okay, but one of the things we were laughing our asses off about was like, whenever someone would talk about Donald Trump, you'd be like, who? And they'd be like, Donald Trump. And you're like, the guy from Home Alone 2? We just like rolling about that for hours. We'd be like, oh God, and he wasn't even that good. Why are we talking about him?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh down the hall. It's like, wow. Wow. Okay. Great.

SPEAKER_04:

He's losing so many lives. Oh, gosh. We don't need to talk about that.

SPEAKER_02:

No, we're not gonna open that can of worms.

SPEAKER_04:

Sleep in. Okay. He's been real sleepy. Oh, so what's next on your list? Because you've got one that I'm dying to talk about that you told you like gave me a hint on.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh wait, what?

SPEAKER_04:

And I'm dying to talk about it.

SPEAKER_02:

What? Which one?

SPEAKER_04:

Restaurants with Oh, re Bad Websites.

SPEAKER_02:

Y'all, this kills me.

SPEAKER_04:

I think of ever since you brought it up, I'm like, I've thought about it.

SPEAKER_02:

How many how many times have we at this table, and we as the people in the car and listening to this right now, giggling, trying to stay between the lines, um, have gone to order something from a restaurant and you pull up their website and it fucking su you have one job. One job to put a menu online.

SPEAKER_04:

And and the website could literally just be one page with the menu. That's very true. That's all I want. Right. Yeah. That's all we're here for. If you take reservations, a reservation is a resie. Yes. Not even a link. Yes, a link. Or let's take it at school. Let me fucking call you.

SPEAKER_02:

Also, you could just link to your Uber Eats.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah. Yeah. Yep. You know what the worst is? And one of my favorite restaurants in Colombia does this, and honestly, I kind of make I feel like it makes them better, but I hate it. Their menu is pictures of their menu on like Facebook.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04:

So when you like JJ's tea house.

SPEAKER_05:

No, I my Thailand restaurant the same way. My favorite takeout place is this Thai place called Thailand Restaurant. They do not have a website. They do not have a Facebook. They only exist as like what's that food rating website? Oh gosh. Like where people where customers take pictures of the menu. Like triple. They only have they only have like Yelp other customers. And like you don't, you never know how old the menu is. Like it is the most haphazard, but I order from them all the time because I know what I want.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah, same with JJ's. I know what I want. I don't need to look at the menu, but like whenever I'm like have friends over and I'm like, we're gonna eat at JJ's, this is what I get. They're like, let me see the menu. And I'm like, fuck. I'm gonna have to go on Facebook. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I love looking at a menu prior to the video. I do love those heroes on the Google reviews that do take pictures of the menu and post them for for us. I know. They're doing the Lord's work. They really are.

SPEAKER_04:

A Google review? A Google review. A Google review. I have one time. It was for Wing Stop.

SPEAKER_03:

And not Wing Stop. Years ago when I was pissed off because half of their lights were out.

SPEAKER_04:

We had to wait for so long, and there was a couple that was like taking advantage of the lights being out, and they were like straddling each other in a chair making out.

SPEAKER_02:

Front facing?

SPEAKER_03:

Like, like this way.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, front facing. Wow. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_04:

Not the wingstone. Not the wingstone. Were they teenagers? I don't honestly remember.

SPEAKER_02:

Honestly, I pictured them like 40.

SPEAKER_04:

Jay and I were just I I literally was like, I am disturbed.

SPEAKER_02:

Not in a wing style.

SPEAKER_04:

That was the headline.

SPEAKER_02:

I am disturbed.

SPEAKER_04:

Fix your lights. Pay your electric bill. I mean, it was it was that was.

SPEAKER_05:

I've left a nasty review, but I honestly can't remember who it was for. Oh. I could go on my, I could go find please hold. Others share with the glass.

SPEAKER_02:

I've only Google reviewed, not because I was asked for a previous dental office that I went to, because they worked me in because I chipped my front tooth eating a corndog at Sonic.

SPEAKER_04:

Wait, Alan, they're so squishy. You bit into this dip.

SPEAKER_02:

Because no, my favorite part is the little crunchy end at the very end. That's my favorite part.

SPEAKER_03:

It was crunchy.

SPEAKER_02:

It was from Sonic. It was on their dollar day.

unknown:

I don't know how it's all gonna work with it.

SPEAKER_02:

And it chipped my tooth. And so I was like, well shit, now I gotta go to get this fixed because I can't have a chipped tooth. Damn. And so I found a dental office. I took my tooth on the fork. Literally, it was the next day, and they fixed it.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02:

And so I was like, yeah, local. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna leave them a review. And then I decided to go back, and the next time I go in, they were like, ha ha, you're that man that left us that Google review about the corn dog. And I was like, um, yes, I did, I did. That was me.

unknown:

So funny.

SPEAKER_05:

Okay, mine was also about a dentist, but it was a bad, it wasn't nasty, it was honest. I went to a dentist in town, and they were very unprofessional. The I can't remember what it was. I they told, they literally just Oh, they told my husband, they were like very unprofessional with my husband, who's like insecure about his smile, but they like said some very unprofessional things about his smile. And like they the lady talked to me in length, which I know hygienists do this, but like in length about like her romantic life. Like she's talking about like inappropriate things, not like wildly inappropriate, but as a like a customer or like a patient, I felt like there's some well, like I don't care about it. Girl, I don't I don't care.

SPEAKER_02:

There's also topics you shouldn't discuss when their fingers are in your mouth.

SPEAKER_05:

Yes. So Minnie's. I wrote a review and said my experience.

SPEAKER_04:

They call me. Well, that's the gig. They try to they try well, they were mean to you. Yes. Oh, because I was gonna say typically they call you and butter you up so that you deliver. I wish they did.

SPEAKER_05:

No, they called me and they were like, Why did you write that review? And I was like, Well, this that was my experience. Like, I won't be coming back. I didn't have you know, whatever. And they were like, they like stood their ground.

SPEAKER_02:

They doubled down.

SPEAKER_05:

They doubled down. That's horrible. They were like, they were like, we like to we are just like really honest and want to have like a really f like family friend and friends atmosphere in our office, and like you just don't get it essentially. And I was like, Well, yeah, I won't be coming back because I'm not gonna.

SPEAKER_04:

I don't want to feel like my hygienist is my bestie telling me about her sex life. I'm good.

SPEAKER_05:

It was weird. Anyway, so that was but it's like in my internet history, my bad.

SPEAKER_02:

What's yours? I don't think I've ever left a Google review.

SPEAKER_04:

That surprises me.

SPEAKER_02:

That actually does.

SPEAKER_04:

Because you're so kind, I feel like you'd be leaving like good ones all over the place.

SPEAKER_02:

I probably have, but just like five stars, you know, look nice, something simple. Don't let him put him in Karen. Don't let him just to help the ratios, you know, stay good.

SPEAKER_05:

Yeah. I did one time call a radio station locally and just to tell them that their set list that morning was great and they're doing a good job.

SPEAKER_04:

Mare has like really that was probably why you ended up winning tickets. Because you like put that out into the. No, but you put it out into the universe. And then she won Justin Bieber tickets on a radio show. That's that same station. Maybe they did know my number.

SPEAKER_05:

Anyway. Oh, that's all we have for you this week. Dying to know how this conversation ends. Come back next week to hear the rest of ours and Luis in the old buzzing conversation. See you next Tuesday.