Sister Sh*t
Hey there, podcast lovers. We're Caroline and Meredith and we're here to bring you our brand new podcast, Sister Sh*t. We're two sisters with a passion for storytelling, silliness and shooting the shit. Get ready to join us as we dive into a wide range of topics that matter to us and we're sure matter to you too, from millennial nostalgia and current events, to personal growth, motherhood and hilarious stories from our childhoods.
We're bringing you your weekly dose of too much information. We'll give you a sneak peek into our lives and bring on captivating guests who will inspire or, at the very least, make you laugh.
So, whether you're commuting, working out or washing your 100th sink of dishes today, grab your headphones and hang out with us. Stay tuned for upcoming episodes and be part of our podcast family. Subscribe wherever you get podcasts.
Sister Sh*t
Bad Dates: Part 2, ft. @limpbroozkit
What happens when you mix bad dates, questionable bumper stickers, and cringe-worthy teenage love stories? You end up with another episode of Sister Shit that will have you laughing out loud, rolling your eyes, and thanking the stars for some of your less disastrous dates. You'll hear all about our river encounter turned wild party, our unfortunate adolescent romances featuring a Thomas Kincaid themed mirrored house, and the time we were stuck with a friend's one-night stand.
We have an incredible guest with us today, Brooke Eby, a lady who's faced the dating world head on while living with ALS. She's here to share her unique perspective as we laugh, groan, and sympathize over her stories of blind dates gone awry, boyfriends that sucked, and misrepresentations on dating apps. Trust us, you don't want to miss her hilarious insights, or our own tales of dating mishaps and confessions of possibly being the "bad date" ourselves.
Now, who could resist a story about a date that involved nose slurping and an entire bottle of wine at a diner? Or the time we ended up sharing too many embarrassing stories with cab drivers, Uber drivers, and teachers? We promise you, these stories will leave you in stitches, and probably make you feel a whole lot better about your own dating adventures. So come along, it's time to laugh at the wild world of dating with Sister Shit's Bad Date series!
Hey, welcome to Sister Shit. I'm Caroline, I'm Meredith and today we are bringing you Bad Date, part 2.
Speaker 1:Woo. This is by far my favorite type of episode. I know why is it so fun to talk about bad dates. They're endless.
Speaker 2:They are endless and so relatable, I know, unless you never dated anyone with enough decency to take you on a date, yeah, or just like got really lucky and have only dated nice guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, unfortunately, that's not the case for the majority of us.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so Caroline has, do you want to go read yours first? Yeah, so.
Speaker 2:I have. I have. So like I just had a panic situation right before this because I'm like I don't know which one to read. There's so many good ones. So I decided I'm going to go in order of when they were sent to me. Okay, because I'm assuming we're going to keep reading these, so I'll just do one for more episodes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like Bad Date, part 3.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay. So for for Bad Date Part 2, I've got this one for you. This bad, bad first date starts by meeting a dude on the river. Don't meet dudes on the river, it's not going to be a good date. Which?
Speaker 1:if you know the river in the town that we live in. No the current town that we live in, not a coastal town.
Speaker 2:Not a coastal town. Yeah, that's different. The river is like 13 year old drinking beer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's hot. Yep, I've seen that.
Speaker 2:Okay. So scene one cluelessly floating down the river with my future husband, who invited me to go with him and our coworkers. I had no idea he was interested in me, so I floated ahead of him with one of my friends. A kayak comes up beside us and the sky starts chatting me up. No clue what we talked about, but I remember thinking this cute guy is flirting with me. How fun. Scene two literally the wildest day of my life. Because I was so boring, I ended up at a party after floating down the river.
Speaker 1:Wait, wildest day of my life because I was so boring.
Speaker 2:Like I think they were saying like this was one of the wildest days of my life, because I'm typically pretty boring.
Speaker 1:So this was very wild for me.
Speaker 2:So it says I ended up at a house party after floating the river. Pretty sure I was the DD. As always, I walk into the party and this dude from the river is there. I was excited. Total coincidence he hits on me, gets my number. Do I think it might be destiny? I sure do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you would.
Speaker 2:There is a big red flag at the party that I decided to ignore. He was wasted. Shugging jungle juice out of the bathtub when I noticed he had a.
Speaker 1:Does she say how old?
Speaker 2:she was.
Speaker 1:No, I'm assuming college, yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't know. She said with my co-workers so I don't know but I was also assuming somewhere around there, okay Okay, chugging jungle juice out of a bathtub when I noticed he had a giant coffin tattooed on his leg that said straight edge for life.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:I'm assuming that means that it like Conflicting that died. Like his straight edge for life-ness, died with drinking jungle juice out of a bathtub Wow.
Speaker 1:I thought that's a bold statement.
Speaker 2:This guy might not be the smartest. Yeah, there were dot dot dots there.
Speaker 1:So I added that in for effect Dramatic emphasis.
Speaker 2:So he calls me a few days after the party and asked me out. He lives in Spartanburg. He drives all the way to Columbia and gets to my apartment, walks in, plops on the couch like he owns the place and says ugh, so what do you want to do? And I'm like go get dinner, I guess. So this was Wait, wait, slow down.
Speaker 1:This is a lot to take in. They met, they saw each other on the river.
Speaker 2:They ended up with the same.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he like was flirting. Yes, they ended up the same house party Destiny.
Speaker 2:He hit on her. Got her number yes, drunk yes, tattoo yes, and then they like, however many weeks later or whatever, I guess, talked the next day and yeah, it says he calls me a few days after the party and asks her out and comes back down to Spartanburg. No, comes back down, I mean from Spartanburg. Yes.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay. Plops on her couch like they've known each other forever. Yes, and has nothing planned.
Speaker 2:No and says ugh, so what do you want to do? And I'm like go get dinner, I guess so awkward. Clearly he was hoping we were just gonna hook up.
Speaker 1:I don't know, but he asked me on the date.
Speaker 2:Shoot After minimal conversation about how he doesn't eat any animal products because it's cruel. We walk out to his car to go get mellow mushroom, which he decided was the place to go as or sorry, mellow mushroom, which he decided was the place to go. And as we approach his vehicle, I notice he has two bumper stickers on his car. One says I'm a vegetarian.
Speaker 1:Oh, my gosh, Okay. And the other? I don't. I can't even imagine what the other one says Baby on board?
Speaker 2:No, the other one says it's a little Chihuahua that says they call me dirty Sanchez. And that was the moment. How old was he? I don't know. I don't know, but it says, and that was the moment I knew this river rat was not trying to take me out to eat dinner and have two conversations. It was also the moment I knew I'd get an STD if I shared a fork with him.
Speaker 1:He ate a fork.
Speaker 2:He ate only the bread from his sandwich at mellow mushroom, because what the hell would he eat at a place that basically only serves animal products on bread? The conversation was horrible and I'm pretty sure he dropped me off at my door and then drove away. The end I wish I knew.
Speaker 1:I need to know what they talked about. Oh, I'm sure nothing, my gosh, Can you imagine? I can't imagine seeing the stickers on someone. I was like I'm a vegetarian. Like on your car. What who?
Speaker 2:is okay with that. Who made that bumper?
Speaker 1:sticker that's like almost that.
Speaker 2:I mean that is in the category of the people with the stick figure, bumper stickers that are like having sex with the word it. So it's like eff it, or the people that have the dangly balls, I mean comedic bumper stickers is like a vibe in itself.
Speaker 1:That would be a red flag for me alone.
Speaker 2:No comedic bumper stickers, yeah, and one about eating vagina. That's like 10 times worse.
Speaker 1:I want nothing to do with him, but want to know everything about him at the same time I know Gosh wow.
Speaker 2:I know that was so good Wild.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for submitting that I know Whoever you are.
Speaker 2:That was so good. That was brilliant and also horrifying. Oh man, if we didn't get to your date story. Don't worry, it's coming.
Speaker 1:Oh, you don't have another one for me.
Speaker 2:I do, but should I save it, don't? Are you going to tell yours and then Brooke will tell hers?
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, yeah, I just want more. That was so good, so good.
Speaker 2:I love the theatrics and the writing.
Speaker 1:I know so good. Okay, so mine is it really? Mine's just like a moment from a date. Well, okay, do you remember? Last week we talked about, or a couple weeks ago we talked about, judgment house boyfriend. Judgment house boyfriend. This is Judgment house boyfriend. We meet in the judgment house.
Speaker 2:That's where it all starts.
Speaker 1:An immediate love connection. He's a little bit older, I find he goes to different school. There's a lot of mystery. So I then find out he lives in the same neighborhood as us in a different like division of the neighborhood I live in like one of those neighborhoods that has like multiple.
Speaker 2:Our parents took a cut out of vinyl village yeah.
Speaker 1:So anyway, he lives in like a separate part of the neighborhood. I go to his house for the first time. I walk in I realize immediately it's our exact house, but everything's mirrored.
Speaker 2:So you're in your house, but mirrored.
Speaker 1:And to make it weirder, every single room in the house is decorated with a different Thomas concade theme which, if you don't know who Thomas concade is, he is the painter of lights, the painter of lights. You've seen his work for sure, especially if you've been to Hobby Lobby. So yeah, it was very bizarre. At one point mom met him. This is more of like a boyfriend for a minute situation but the date itself that I'm getting to is the most cringy moment of my adolescence.
Speaker 2:I feel like, if it's what I'm thinking, I know.
Speaker 1:So okay, I just which is more weird facts, because it makes it all weirder. So at one point my mom like dropped me off at his house, I think for this date his dad is a pastor and that's all I really know His mom's like typical pastor's wife.
Speaker 2:He's always tried to kiss mom on the lips.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I was about to tell.
Speaker 2:Oh, sorry, that's okay, I just thought that was like one of his personality traits.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean this time he like really went in for a kiss on the lips and then I got in the car with their whole family and mom. I think mom was probably like I probably shouldn't have let her go, I'm imagining Wait.
Speaker 2:so you saw the kiss on the lips. I thought you were going to tell the part about the car ride. Oh, I'm getting to that.
Speaker 1:So then you can tell Caroline's heart to story a lot.
Speaker 2:It's one of my faves.
Speaker 1:So we I guess we went somewhere as a family we went on a I think I'm blending multiple dates with this guy.
Speaker 2:What kind of car did his parents drive? So I'm just going to blend them all together. I think no, it was a sedan.
Speaker 1:It was a tiny sedan which makes the climax of the story so much worse. So we had gone on a hayride with this whole family and during the hayride A he had a bunch of sisters. We were all in the hayride together. It was like spooky season. He was pretending to be an animal and eating the eating the head.
Speaker 2:I didn't know that.
Speaker 1:I've never told this to anyone because it was so freaking weird and I hated every minute of it because he was like the older mysterious guy and he was supposed to be cool. And he was pretending to eat hay in the back of this, in the back of this hayride and all of this, even his sisters were like you're being weird Shit. We'll have to bleep that out. But, they were like you're, this is embarrassing, like you're being annoying, stop. So I was like second hand embarrassment.
Speaker 1:And I think at the moment I was like, oh, this is not the best. So then, on the way home, we're like parked outside of some. We're parked somewhere with his parents. His parents are in the front seat of the sedan, we're in the back. He starts making out with me so aggressively.
Speaker 2:Wait, where did his sisters? Where were they in the sedan? Again, I think we're.
Speaker 1:I think I'm blending dates, but weirdly enough, like the majority of the dates we went on were with his whole family. Yeah, so we must have driven separately. Or we had gone or this has been. This was a different date. Anyway, we're in the back seat of the sedan and he starts making out with me so aggressively that his dad goes. Let her breathe, son, and I hate that so much, that so much.
Speaker 2:What did you do?
Speaker 3:Were y'all close to home.
Speaker 2:No, he said oh I am.
Speaker 1:That's what he said back. Yeah, yep. That is disturbing, yeah, on a different level I know, I know, I don't know what we were working with, but I can only guess his life trajectory is not great.
Speaker 2:How do we know what he's doing?
Speaker 1:I have no idea. He went to like a very prestigious college that he was obsessed with and I think he's divorced now, but that's all I know.
Speaker 2:Okay. So he like broke up with, he like told you he loved you, and then the next day broke up with you.
Speaker 1:Oh, did he, did that happen?
Speaker 2:I think so.
Speaker 1:No, he didn't tell me he loved me. He made a gesture with his hand. That was one with his hand. One, four, three.
Speaker 2:And I was like what are you doing?
Speaker 1:And he did it again and I was like what does that mean?
Speaker 2:And he was like so annoyed with me because I didn't know what it meant.
Speaker 1:Oh, he liked to throw a little hissy fit because he threw a hissy fit when I didn't know what it meant and he had to tell me. And he also threw a hissy fit on the hayride because I didn't want to kiss him, a in front of his family and B because he had just had hay in his mouth. So he like pouted on the whole.
Speaker 1:Ew, I hate a pouty boy I know I'm like I have locked all these memories so far away and now that the resurfacing I am gag central Like this is disgusting.
Speaker 2:He said one four three, so he says one four three.
Speaker 1:And then the next day breaks up with you Because you didn't know what one, four, three meant who knows. I think he was cheating on me too. That was the room, probably he was so close. He was gross.
Speaker 2:But then mom and I, mom and I were like very invested in him at this, at this point, because he was always around.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he was a gentleman. He was like very shmoosy. Yes, he was very shmoosy.
Speaker 2:He hung out with us all the time. He was very like sweet to the little sister and so he worked it by low and like brah and me and my mom are favorite cereal after he had broken up with you and we were like a little turd nugget. Okay, like that.
Speaker 1:He had a full on conversation with with mom out on the front porch.
Speaker 2:That was well, I was inside.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what a weird. Weird and pretty sure there was a point to. We went to peak Gosh, we didn't date long but he can abuse it with our family. Oh gosh, I don't remember that Cause I remember I don't think I knew what this happened, but mom and dad told me later that he had like climbed up on the roof at one point what the hell? And like they were like what is he doing?
Speaker 2:Well, who's roof, I was going to say at that point.
Speaker 1:Our house had burned down and it was Grammys.
Speaker 2:Why did he do that? We're staying at Grammys house no.
Speaker 1:I think he was like trying to be like cool.
Speaker 2:And like this is like giving me so many gross he be GPs.
Speaker 1:I know Anyway, good riddance Anyway so.
Speaker 2:So that was like half bad day. Yeah, that was a whole thing.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I was just going to tell the letter breathe some, but then it just started coming out. No, it unraveled. I vomited.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't know the full extent to him and now I do Y'all song was you should. Let me love you, let me be the one to. I remember thinking like gosh that is so romantic.
Speaker 1:I still love that song, I do too, I think of him every time I hear it, though.
Speaker 2:Interesting situation.
Speaker 1:But even more interesting than that, we have a guest that we are so excited to introduce you guys to. Her name is Brooke E B and she is coming on. That's how I've been saying it. I'm pretty sure it's E, b.
Speaker 1:Okay, we'll find out real quick, but she's coming on to tell us about a bad date and we're super excited, so enjoy, enjoy. Hi everyone, brooke, this is so excited to have you here. If you don't follow Brooke on Instagram, her Instagram handle is at limp brusket, we can? We'll put that. We'll write that down somewhere. What was perfectly pronounced? Oh, thank you. So I initially came across your stuff when you posted a video about like what a typical appointment is like since you've been diagnosed with ALS. I guess it's you go in periodically just to see like how you're doing, like a kind of physical. Yeah, Regularly.
Speaker 1:So I was just super I don't know. I started following you immediately. I just thought the way that you like shared your experience was so endearing I don't know that might be a weird word, but like just really honest and optimistic. And then you started telling these incredible hilarious stories and I was like I'm sold on this girl, like I freaking love everything about this. So, anyway, thank you so much for being here. We reached out on like such a limb and we were. We were like ecstatic when you said you wanted to be on our podcast because, like we said, we have like a small but mighty following. Yeah, and we thought it would be super fitting to have you come on our favorite episodes ever or our bad date episode. Well, yeah, I say episodes. We've had one bad date episode, but it was like I mean, everyone has multiple bad dates.
Speaker 1:I have no money and you told one about your first. You wrote. So she read on Instagram her email to her friends after her first blind date and I was like we either need a retelling or we need like some bad date telling.
Speaker 3:Yeah no, I have so many no. And I was really excited when you reached out because I feel like a lot of the podcasts I go on are like strictly about health and ALS and like sometimes I just get sick of hearing myself talk.
Speaker 3:So that's why I started making like random story videos, because I was like I'm just like getting fatigued of only talking about ALS, like I kind of like doing a mix. So I started telling stories about my life, which I'm sure everyone has, these types of stories like just moment in time type stories, but like as I'm telling them I'm like wow, I've kind of lived a lot of lives for 34, but I lived in New York City, san Francisco and now DC as a single person, like most a lot of that time, and so I have a lot of bad dating stories.
Speaker 1:So what industry were you in? You told once or about like living, working in like a tech startup, and I was like I still work in tech.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've been at Salesforce for like seven and a half years Cool, okay and so I've always been in the tech industry, which is why I've gotten to live in these like big cities. But yeah, single life early 20s to 30s is a scene in those types of cities Like New.
Speaker 1:York and.
Speaker 3:Timmy's are different, different types of horror stories, but they're all fun in hindsight.
Speaker 1:So what's your favorite? Okay, how old were you when you went on your first blind date?
Speaker 3:It was. It must have been like 25, 24. Okay okay.
Speaker 3:And my coworker set us up and she and I are still close to this day and like she was dying laughing at the, so I sent that email in 2013. Like it was the morning after my blind date, I was sitting at work like a little hungover and I was like I feel like a lot of funny things happen the last time. I should just write it off with friends. So I wrote this email and sent it off to probably like seven or eight of my girlfriends and then it just started getting forwarded.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 3:To the point where, like one of my friends, sent it back to me and was like okay, Like one of you.
Speaker 1:oh my God, that's amazing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was like my first like virality, like touch of virality via email. I just knew what was to come. But yeah, I actually feel like that guy is the most innocent of like all like bad dates. You can have everything he said like he really meant. Well, he just said weird stuff. Like I walked in and he was like is that a boot situation going on? And I remember being like what a sweet. Like I could tell he was trying to like give me a compliment, it just like it's a translate. He like I felt like he was really having to work to be like a human you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:That's normal. I hate that. But yeah, he was harmless and I think he's like married with kids now and he was a cute guy too, like weird stuff you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, dates are hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So what's like I was gonna say, like you and I, meredith, grew up in like a very, very small town, like where everyone knows everyone, and then both got married like very young.
Speaker 3:Oh, so you could go to bad date stores, because you're like vicarious through me, I see.
Speaker 2:I wish that I had more bad date stories, because I'm like I don't know. I like we had to start that I had a boyfriend for a minute segment as well, because all of mine turned into like boyfriends that sucked.
Speaker 1:And so I like yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm honestly, I'm like I wish I would have been. I've experienced bad dates through other people, like one of my favorite things is watching a bad date in a restaurant. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I kind of have a handful of bad ones too. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 3:I think like the first type of date is like one where, like that's not even worth talking about because, like there's someone I was so born, yeah, there's somewhere. It's like you're pulling for conversation and you're just like looking to see how long is like, how short can you stay without really killing?
Speaker 1:Just like ditching yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm like picturing one where I was just oh, I can still imagine it. I was just sitting there being like how soon is too soon to leave, and you're like how did I like come across this person's dating profile? Think, maybe. And then how did we get this far if you can't even like say two sentences? Yeah, those are like the worst and they're never even worth the story, because this just sucks.
Speaker 1:Yes, I think my worst like that. I went on a date with someone. It was like a lunch date. I was also in high school and I was dating someone else and I was too naive to know that it was a date. Like I thought it was just like a friendly lunch. And I get there and I'm like, oh, this is a date. But it was the same situation where I was like not only is this a date, but this is like a date.
Speaker 1:Not a date. I mean, it's not like worth writing home about. And I remember at one point I was like God I don't even know if this was happening currently or if I was just trying to find something to talk about, but I was like I love when it's raining and sunny outside, it's like my favorite weather. And he was like I hate it. And I was like, oh okay, it was like the conversation was like that bad and then it wasn't even like being. It was like you wasn't even entertaining my like. His response was just I hate it.
Speaker 3:I don't like it. I was like impressive. Like for someone to just be willing to like end a conversation over that is like almost an impressive trait. I know it's not gonna change for anyone.
Speaker 1:You asked me on a date, knowing I'm dating someone else. You're not even gonna make this interesting. Yeah, wait, what did the boyfriend was he just laughing? He was pissed. He obviously I like didn't. I was like we're just friends and he was like no, you don't go on like a single lunch or like any kind of like meal outing with like one other guy. That lunch is safe. I did too, but then he paid. When he paid, I was like oh yeah.
Speaker 3:So After bad dates, I always try to. I feel like this is the tell, like I always try to pay for my share because I'm like I want to owe you nothing. I want this to be like a clean cut. Yeah, the house here which I feel like a lot of people feel the opposite where they're like I want him to be so horrible. I need to be paid for. Oh, because my time but I'm like thinking next steps. I'm like I want to be clean slate out of this.
Speaker 2:Yes, I get that. I get that, and I think that that is a better message to him, maybe, of like, ooh, she wants to. Well, because I think it's herself.
Speaker 3:Yeah, probably means she doesn't. That's assuming the guy can read the room. And yeah, which probably which most of the time, yeah.
Speaker 1:What's your like absolute word. If someone's like, yeah, what's your worst aid? Okay, oh, I can't wait.
Speaker 3:Okay, it's a little like haunting, which is why I remember it and I hope I remember all the details, but, like I think it was like 2020. No, no, this is pre COVID, it was 2019. I had just moved back to New York City from San Francisco and this guy who was like I remember, on the dating app, he was like very cute, really fun. He did a little like a lot of emojis which like in hindsight, I'm like could it, could have like noted that a little in advance. He's got a lot of repeating letters, emojis and I was like, okay, he's just like a little quirky, but then I think that was just like a sign of him being like absolutely chaotic, because we get that, we decide.
Speaker 1:How many emojis are we talking A lot and, like I, remember.
Speaker 3:for me to remember four years later Like a lot in a group or like dispersed throughout the town.
Speaker 1:No, like that is somehow worse.
Speaker 2:I got an aunt that does that and she is kind of like a man, it's like a sign of me.
Speaker 3:You know, yeah, and so. So we go on like I agree to a coffee date, which I guess already so noncommittal. But we go and it's like this, really cute, like coffee place on the upper side. He orders a bottle of wine. And I'm like I ordered a coffee this was like a Saturday Like I ordered a coffee morning bottle of wine, probably like noon, like brunch time. Okay, okay, just a buck.
Speaker 2:You ordered first.
Speaker 1:Me.
Speaker 3:Oh. I was like I'll just go coffee and then he's like I'm going to get this bottle of wine and I was like for who? And they like brought out two glasses and I was like I don't want that. So anyway, he starts like pounding back wine and I think he was really, really nervous. What type of wine, I don't remember. I think it was like red, Like it was bizarre, the whole thing was bizarre and it was like binary type spot too.
Speaker 3:So like ordering wine in a diner, I feel like that bottle is like 30 years Weird.
Speaker 2:So like bottle, bold move. If you're feeling nervous, just have a class.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah. Or like a mimosas, like make it like, make sense with this. No, he did. Again, we're giving him too much credit for like having being able to read the room, so okay. So we start, we start talking and he's like, oh, you lived in New York City from like when you were 21 to 25. And he's like, were you just so inappropriate? He's like, were you just getting like a railed by dudes every?
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh what.
Speaker 2:How far into the bottle was he when he asked this? I think pretty far, but like obviously that part's a little blurry Like railed.
Speaker 1:Railed.
Speaker 3:That's. That's really took me by surprise.
Speaker 2:I hate that so much, Railed by dudes, and I was like is that like a thing that people like is? That like, if you live in New York City, you get real. No, no, no, real is.
Speaker 3:You know you're New Yorkers. Oh my God, I was obviously like done, but I'm like at this point I'm just like clocking the weird stuff he's saying because of, like, who knew I was going to be on a podcast like this to tell it? But I knew I had to remember.
Speaker 1:Oh, you did the Lord's work in that moment.
Speaker 3:So, like he, he brought that like those types of things up a couple of times of just like trying to figure out like how many guys I had dated or like been railed by. And then at one point I was like, okay, like I'm going to go, like I have to run some errands before before, like a party I have tonight. And he's like, oh, I thought we were like hanging out all day and I was like, why did you think that? And he's like what's he like?
Speaker 1:an app. He found him on an app. App Like the first.
Speaker 3:Oh right, yeah, the emojis why?
Speaker 1:did he think you're hanging out all day?
Speaker 3:I think he was just like um what's trying to really you. Like the uh, some presumptive, presumptive, close where it's like oh, I just think that that's what we're doing. Interesting. That works, you know like oh okay, If you thought that, then I guess we can hang out.
Speaker 1:Oh, interesting.
Speaker 3:So I was like yeah, no, like I have errands to run. And he's like well, what errands do you have to run?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:And that like clearly it was calling my bluff. So I was like I have to get some new toothpaste. Wow, I can't believe you're picking toothpaste over hanging out with me. I'll come with you to get the toothpaste. I'm like, no, we're not invited, sir. Yeah, no, it's a solo mish, like I'm good and so, anyways, good for you.
Speaker 1:You stand on your ground.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he's finishing the bottle wine. He's like, well, I'll walk you to the CVS. I'm like sure, so he walks me to the corner and I go to hug him. Goodbye. This is the worst part. He looks in and like slurps my nose.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no no.
Speaker 3:It was like a mouth was around the nose and he would know.
Speaker 2:Like. So it wasn't even like he accidentally got your nose instead of your.
Speaker 3:I didn't ask. I didn't ask, but I wasn't going to give him any more To find the right spot on my face. So I just quickly ran into CVS. I I hid in that CVS for like 30 minutes Like I didn't need a thing. I just hid in there and I was waiting and I was like, please say he didn't follow me. Okay, so he does that. I get home probably 30 minutes later, by the way, like he's plastered Like he drank a whole bottle of wine. Yes, he's like red in the face. He texted me like 30 minutes later. I think I'm a little tipsy. And then a zillion emojis after that and I'm like, oh, I think he's trying. I think he was trying to like gauge, like did I notice? I'm like sir.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:I think I want to know how many you just slurped my nose.
Speaker 3:Yeah yeah, my nose was an ice cream cone for you, so I want to know how many other girls have been on.
Speaker 1:Maybe this, maybe this podcast will call out other women who have been on dates with a man. Yeah, I need to know.
Speaker 3:I can't even tell you his name. It was not, it did not like, it was not a saved number in my phone after that day, but I remember I had some guy and when it's just like, it just made no sense, Like did you text back or were you like ignore done?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was that was done.
Speaker 3:Oh, I can't imagine.
Speaker 1:I want to find him.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what year was this?
Speaker 3:I think it was like 2019. Oh okay, but it's hard to. It's hard to remember, man.
Speaker 1:He doesn't even have COVID to blame for, like I feel like after COVID everyone was like oh sorry I'm a little weird cause of COVID he doesn't even have that Well yeah, or he could have been like I didn't want to kiss your mouth because of COVID, so I did your nose instead.
Speaker 3:That's probably a more direct hit to COVID. Actually, it was just bring a nose. Yeah, Probably is wild, yeah. And I actually like did have a party to go to that night and when I went my friends were like what's wrong with you? Like you look like you've seen it. I'm like I have. It's been a day.
Speaker 2:I just like can't imagine drinking an entire bottle of wine red wine at noon.
Speaker 3:At like a season. Do you remember the season? Yes, it was winter.
Speaker 2:Okay, better than summer. No, no Okay well, guys, everyone's a little weird in winter, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, we were like red wine.
Speaker 2:Sure, that was my thought I was like okay, the red wine makes sense for wintertime. But the whole bottle does not make sense, and noon, it being noon, also doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1:So you're assuming I'm sorry, go on.
Speaker 3:He was like talking to the waiter about the wine as if we were at like a wine bar and it was like we were at like a diner. Like the guy was like dude, I don't know, like no one orders wine here, so like he's like someone left this like seven years ago.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, oh, I hate that.
Speaker 3:Wow, I know it kind of dims you like a shiver down to your spine.
Speaker 1:My heart was like in my stomach the whole time. You went on. That was wild. That the presuming like you want the day to go on over reminded me about this. One time my husband and I were visiting a friend of his from college in Atlanta and he brought this girl home. He had a loft, so we were on the couch and he brought this girl home and was like railing her all night with us on the other side of the loft. Then if that's not, if that's not worth, means enough. The next morning I and I also had the worst hangover I think I have ever had in my entire life. So I was just like where were you I will.
Speaker 2:I can't, we're going to keep it on. Oh, okay, I'm just like what did y'all do that made you?
Speaker 1:We were. We were there for Keith's birthday. I was like bringing him to a concert the next night, oh well, well, well, we stayed with a friend because we were broken. We had no money for her to tell, so, anyway, we. The next morning, though I'm like nursing this horrible hangover. She's still there. She doesn't have a car because she rode home with us and he would not drop her off. Like we went to one of those like vintage antique malls it's like goes on for like a mile and a half, you know, and they're like boosts everywhere. We went to one of those and she was still in the closet the night before. I felt so bad for this girl, like she wanted to go home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she didn't have a toothbrush.
Speaker 1:You need to call you an Uber I know, and then she was like trying to like. I mean, it was just one of those things where it's like I don't, neither of us wanted to be super friendly because it was like I'm never going to see you, ever again. But here we are, we're like antiquing, we're getting brunch, Like meanwhile she like mentioned wanting to go home a few times and he like wouldn't find her away home.
Speaker 2:It was Wait.
Speaker 1:It was so awkward. Oh hey, I like your headband, she likes your headband. Oh my God, his headphones do not set me, but anyway. So yeah, it was.
Speaker 2:It was so awkward that's happened to me before, like I've been stuck with someone for a long, long time, I don't, I don't even know, like I can't remember. I think I could get away, but like they kept making me feel really bad about it.
Speaker 1:Oh and.
Speaker 2:I, I'm leaving.
Speaker 3:You ever wonder like, have I been the keeper? I hadn't, until like right now, and I'm like I wonder if I've ever been the one like let's just do like one more drink, or like like I'm sure I haven't. They've just been like I couldn't get away.
Speaker 2:Our last bad day episode. Our friend was like you guys need to assess at the end of who actually was the bad date. Was it like you or him? Because, yeah, I can't remember what story we were talking about, but they were. It was one of your stories, meredith, and she was like she sounds like the bad day. We friend the whole time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and at that point I was like trying. I mean he had already asked me if I could do the splits and you know it was because but I thought it was because of the obvious reason and he was like damn, I've always wanted to be able to do splits. And then his favorite show was bromance and he loved and sing. So at that point I was like this guy's gay. So we're just going to have a little. I would love that guy, yeah, but he also he wasn't fun.
Speaker 2:Like he was a through, they went disc golfing and he threw it into a ditch and made Meredith go get it.
Speaker 1:He didn't want to ruin his shoes. I know he was. He was sick in the mud.
Speaker 3:The wanting to do splits. That's like in the office when Creed wants to do like one perfect. I just want one perfect cartwheel Like I've always wanted to do the splits.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Thing for someone to want to do, I know.
Speaker 2:And you think, like you immediately are like ew, he's being so creepy. And then all of a sudden you're like wait, I'm safe here.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly, this is a safe space, yeah.
Speaker 1:Totally, but also like, well, shit, now I'm stuck on this date and I don't know how to get out of it.
Speaker 2:I this is a date story, but one where I couldn't get away. I had a boyfriend that literally had the stomach bug and like let me leave his house. And I'm like, please, for the love of God, I don't want to be here for this.
Speaker 3:There's been the other way around, like it should have been him wanting you to get out.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I know, and he's like you don't want to take care of me, and I'm like, no, not at all, nothing to be done.
Speaker 1:You'll be fine.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just get it all out. Oh my gosh, I literally have bad dates that I can think of. I mean that one is like an award winner.
Speaker 1:That one is. I cannot believe the nose Like it was already so bad.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've also showed up on dates and the guy's like 20 years older than like everything he claimed. And so I remember telling Jackie about this and like I was like this guy is saying he's like 30 something, but like this is the photo like from his app. This is actually what he looks like. And we would just like crack up Like I would walk in, like you've got to be kidding me, and then we start idiots. Well then I was like I wonder if he's going to start like flossing just to show how young he is, like just doing all these like young things. And so then we started being like look, look, I'm 30. Look and like all the things like little kids would do. That's what this like 70 year old man was like attempting.
Speaker 1:What are they? How do they expect to justify it when you get there in person? Like what happens when you arrive and they're much older? What, like, what do they say?
Speaker 3:I think they just like want to see what they can get away with. I think that we're dumb.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that showed up on a date with a guy that like looked like a completely different person in his profile picture. Like she had to like go back on the date and like be like wait.
Speaker 3:I've also been worried that that's me too.
Speaker 1:Like.
Speaker 3:I like always used to make my friends look at my profile to be, like is this what I look like? And like a couple drinks in like, is this still what it looks like? We got to make it honest, because I don't know a lot on these dates. Like I don't even really drink anymore because I just get a hangover within 30 minutes.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, Every age, like every year that passes, I get more hungover Earlier it's like.
Speaker 3:I get less fun time and more hungover.
Speaker 1:So it's not worth it anymore, but I used to drink so hard on these dates.
Speaker 3:Like you just go. You're like, oh, I'll do a bag of soda. And like you end up with like a career for them If it's a decent date, you're smashed by the end of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, totally my New York doorman. The stories they could tell, oh my gosh. I mean doorman in general probably just see, like the best I always yes.
Speaker 1:I think about that with cab drivers and driver drivers all the time, like I bet they have, so they know so much about so many people's lives.
Speaker 3:Bites in the back of an Uber too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have been in fights in the back of an Uber.
Speaker 3:No, I'm saying like, oh yes, I definitely have. But like, like, like your boyfriend's just annoying you and you went and in the Uber and then you're like I can't believe that's what you said when they asked you that question. Like it all comes out in the Uber. Maybe I should have been a cab driver, they just have to deal with it.
Speaker 2:So it's just like a hobby for me to like eavesdrop I should have become an.
Speaker 3:Uber driver, yeah, I just people like in my space, is the, you know?
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, I know, and also like the drunk people that like fuken your car or worse. Yeah yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:Maybe we made good choices.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we're not ready to take professions but like if any of them want to write up, tell all.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, oh, I'll be a. Yes, I'd be a ghost driver for any of the driver I used to follow this girl that would post.
Speaker 2:She was a teacher and she would always post, like things that kids have told her in the past. And I'm like, oh my gosh, the things that teachers have to hear about, like, think, like, I think all the time Kids child is telling his teacher about me and Sam. Yes, I know, oh God. I mean about me and Jay, I'm like oh gosh, it's so bad. They probably think I'm like terrible.
Speaker 3:No, I don't think I ever told my teacher anything like maybe, maybe it's like a kindergarten, like yeah, but like I was never like my mom, yeah that's get a load of this yeah.
Speaker 2:I did one time call my male teacher and the second grade mom, and it still haunts me to this day.
Speaker 3:Honestly, that was the most. Why was that so much more embarrassing than anything else?
Speaker 1:It really was.
Speaker 2:Kids were like peeing and throwing up in class, but calling them your teacher, mom, mom, is the worst which is really so funny that you say that, because yesterday at dinner we're running, we're running low on time, but we'll wrap things up. My son yesterday I would, we were like how's your day? He's for, like how's your day? And he was like well, so and so what their pants? And was like giving me the updates on like who what their pants that day and I was just like trying so hard not to laugh because I'm like it's so funny how frequent this isn't a four year old's life that it's a part of the daily report and like an adult for doing that Like what is happening, but I was just like my son's poor teacher is in a literal version of hell.
Speaker 3:My niece has like nicknamed that. She was like five or six when she did this, but like I was like oh, who's in your classes this year? And she was like chase, who has a crush on me, brian who farted, who vomited, like all of them were like some, like Lydia who vomited, and I was like, oh, like that's how she remembered people. I'm like God, that's so tough If you're Brian. And then it was, and who farted was Brian who farted. And then she corrected it to Brian who heard me fart.
Speaker 1:So I was like oh, okay.
Speaker 3:Oh wait, no, no, no, that was me.
Speaker 1:He wasn't the one who farted Molly, and she was like Brian, I was almost married if you farted, because in this this will be our closing story has nothing to do with bad dates, but it does have to do with farting. I was in the sixth grade, which is way like the worst possible time ever to audibly fart in public, and this is the same year that I would like anyway. We don't have to get into details, but we've chronicled a little bit of my sixth grade journey. So I farted in math class and nobody heard it, except for this one guy, and I don't even remember what his name was, but he knew it was me and he took the blame. You guys, it was the most heroic, chivalrous, chivalrous thing any man has ever done for me.
Speaker 3:Wait, you don't remember his name.
Speaker 1:No, I remember what he looked like. I think it's with.
Speaker 2:Mark Huh, I don't know now, but you can send him a message.
Speaker 1:I hope he hears this. I think his name is Mark, but yeah, I mean, he saw the fear in my eyes and he said you know what, I'm taking this one.
Speaker 3:I know he volunteered.
Speaker 1:I think someone was like who farted and he was like it was me.
Speaker 3:I think, but like I feel, like no one needed to answer like he.
Speaker 2:His third boys are wild. They like get points for farting in class.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you probably did a massal it honestly. Maybe I don't know it was like a little.
Speaker 1:It was like a little I don't know. No one was like oh, cool mark. It was like it was like oh ha ha. But if it was me, you guys. I would have been just like made fun of for having a really book bag, Like you know, you would have been the girl with the wolf. For make it for my dad showing up with trees in the truck and carline the girl that with the wheelie book bag that farted in who farted.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a long nickname. Sixth grade is like when you're trying to start, like I feel. Like when you go into sixth grade you don't realize, you think it's just going to be like elementary school, but then you get there and like, the eighth graders are there looking like women, they got big boobs.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, One of my nieces and this was the early 2000s man People were wearing thongs outside of their jeans. It was wild.
Speaker 3:Yeah, juicy on there, but my niece went to sixth grade, like this year, and she was like they're guys with mustaches.
Speaker 1:You're like there was a guy with a beard at my school and we all secretly call him dad.
Speaker 2:Oh no, oh, that's mean I know, I know, but it was like as a girl.
Speaker 1:It was like, oh gosh, he's old.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I remember one time asking a guy on the bus what do you want? He was like we're in seventh grade and he was in sixth, because it's like that age where, like, some people are still kids, and summer and I don't know. We were like, what are you asking for for Christmas? He was like toys. And we were like, oh, we had crossed over. And he was. We were like, oh, cool, yeah, you're still a child. It was it's such a strange age. And then he wheeled off with your back and I was like bye, I actually just wrote it into the sunset, okay, um, well, this was amazing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you again.
Speaker 1:I laughed so much.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, it was so fun.
Speaker 3:I hope, uh, I hope it goes down in bad date history so well you can read it.
Speaker 2:I'm assuming it'll bring out a lot of other people being like wait a minute my nose was slurped into a serial problem.
Speaker 3:I wonder maybe that guy's? Still doing it today? I don't know. I got a, I would. I would love to know, it might be like his thing. Yeah, his calling card. He has like a nose thing, yeah, the wet nose band.
Speaker 2:Ew, oh my gosh. Well, um, don't forget to follow Brooke. She is awesome. I obviously, Meredith, you were like one of the people which I feel like this is a big deal, that like if your sister sends you someone is like you need to follow her. Yeah, so, um, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Thank you, guys so much for having us. This was so fun. Love to really go haunting tale yes, oh my gosh, thank you, this will be out, this will be out, um, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Thanksgiving week, yeah, yeah, yeah. So happy Thanksgiving everyone. Yes, and we will sign off by saying see you next Tuesday.